Troubles with Troubles

The weekend went well though it was tiring. But the restaurant hasn't been crazy busy.

Found out on Wednesday that I misplaced my wallet. Might not be able to go on vacation because my  ID was in there along with rent money and all my other important things. It should be somewhere around the house because the last time I had it was at home. Elizabeth had it last I think so I guess she  put it somewhere. Maybe Parker threw it away but I looked in the trash of the last few days. Ordered a new ID but it might not come in time. I still have some hope. Would rather be prepared for the worst and accept the best.

That really has me down the last couple days. Maybe more than it should. I guess a positive attitude won't hurt anything. But that's really not me.

Been having a bad time with our work schedules. Been really late for work a couple days. Grateful to work for a couple patient, hard working and understanding guys.

Got a nice surprise package from Gram on Monday. Had a cute dancing Santa bear that Parker loved. Unfortunely it died after she played with it for 5 minutes. It was a good 5 minutes though. Thought it was just the batteries but I guess there's a bad connection in there somewhere. It came back to life one time - enough for Elizabeth to see it. It plays "Santa Baby."

Such is Life

So it's Friday. Wednesday night was rough. I must've been on my period because I was super grouchy and uncomfortable. Elizabeth was at work and was like," I hope you're cleaning," which I normally don't mind cleaning - in fact I quite enjoy it - but for whatever reason I wasn't feeling it. But I did it you know and just got more and more irritated as Parker was getting into things and... It's hard to clean a bathroom with nasty chemicals when you have a two year old roaming the house.

So then I got all frustrated and angry. Everything was getting on my nerves; my clothes, Parker, water, Elizabeth. I mean nothing terrible happened. But I feel bad when I let myself get mean with Parker because it's not her fault. She doesn't deserve an angry father.

So we got the house nice for when Patty arrived. I put Parker to sleep and just hid out in her room until I joined Elizabeth on the couch to sleep. But of course I couldn't sleep because I was stressed out and uncomfortable. But it was nice I didn't work in the morning on one hand because I got to sleep for like 12 hours.

I kinda wish I had worked in the morning instead because then I could've had dinner with Parker and Patty at Pizza Beach and spent the night in the city with the girls - they stayed at the Hilton Marriott. But really I needed the sleep. But again I missed out on time with my family.

I Assume This Will Automatically Be Dated

Woke up today a little late. When left will the entire bed to myself, I feel like I'm riding in a sleep limo after spending two months in a Metro. It didn't matter because Parker's speech therapist came a little late and we were all ready. Well, sort of, she hadn't had a diaper change and was still in her "ballet" - her tutu she got from her cousins.

She was still groggy though. She was relatively quiet and unfocused.

It was funny because we got to school and then her speech therapist rolled in - should've asked her for a ride instead of taking the bus. The seats on the bus are all for kids and we the parents have to sit on them so there's always a ridge or buckle digging into your butt. It's a pretty awesome lesson in patience. The seats here at school aren't too much better despite being designed for adults.

Thank God for everything we have today, otherwise I might have to read a book everyday.

It's heartwarming to see Parker leading her therapy class - when she dances and no one else does. She's such a bright, happy girl always spreading smiles. Until she smacks me in the eye - "if your happy and you know it clap your hands *smack* - and she totally did it on purpose.

Don't know if I'm going into work tonight. I think I should just in case.

Ok, guess I'm not.

Boring. Parker's napping. I'm dreaming of what luxury it would be like to have pants that fit me for work. Instead of leaving deep red grooves all around my waist. I feel like I need to wear a belt in case the little metal clasp pops off one day. Thank God they make Dickies so durable.

Everyday is a conflict between expectations and timing. Late for this, early for this; never know what to expect. Bus came on time, speech was late, started class late, bus picked up late, Parker napped early, Berendette came on time. She's really the most constant.

So Parker's up and she definitely feels better. How much better? Not too much, but better.

March 21st, 2013

  Leaving the hospital during the witching hour, I couldn't imagine going to sleep.  I was aware of my exhaustion but awake, alert and ready to handle anything.  I didn't know if they'd give us our baby.  I didn't know if she was completely healthy.  I was forced to leave her mother alone in a hospital room crying. How was I supposed to sleep?
  I entered our apartment and was instantly reminded of the previous morning.  It was like seeing years into the past.  Everything had a different meaning.  It was like walking into my childhood bedroom.
  I was afraid to fall asleep.  What if I overslept?  I had never felt this sort of exhaustion before.  I knew my girlfriend was wide awake. Alone. Thinking about me and our daughter and scared. If I wasn't with her at seven in the morning, I would fail to keep my first official promise as a father.  I set two clocks and in the blink of an eye, I was up and leaving the house.
  When I got to the hospital, I was happy we were together again, but still no baby and still no word. We could have been frantic, worried, demanding and panicked.  But we had distractions.  At last, we both had our phones, charged and ready, with a lot of explaining to do.
  And the calls began.  I could easily predict my parents' reactions but we were both a bit anxious about telling her parents. "Do you think they'll be mad? I don't think they'll be mad. They can't be mad, this was a miracle. Right?"  Her mom had to take it in, collect her thoughts and call back.  But she wasn't mad.
  Everyone reacted with shock as I retold the story a half dozen times.  Everyone was supportive and beautiful and for that I'll always be thankful.  I remember talking to my best friend, telling him the tale, staring out the lounge window, drinking a cup of coffee and feeling like everything was all right; I had always known.  I stood in amazement and felt the peace that passes all understanding. And cried.

Dinner for One: Chilled Iceberg Sandwich

On this evening's menu we have chilled Iceberg lettuce on fluffly whole white bread with yellow American cheese and full-flavor mayo.  Sparked it up with a sprinkle of dill weed. Full of fiber! Enjoy at home or with a friend!

Tip: When a road trip is involved, buy the squeezable mayo and ditch the knife!

March 20th, 2013 Part V

  Visiting hours in the maternity ward ended at ten o'clock.  We ignored this rule.  She tried to sleep but was frightened of them separating us.  We didn't have custody of our baby, we didn't have our phones, we didn't have any family here but we had each other.
  We weren't caught until midnight and, even then, I just pretended to leave.  It wasn't until two o'clock that the rule was actually enforced. I saw intense sadness on my girlfriend's face as her eyes filled with tears and her lips turned into the heartbreaking frown I had seldom seen before. I'm still disappointed that no consideration for our situation was made. But this wasn't hospice and the staff had no awareness.
  I didn't feel much compassion from the nurse in charge as I plead my case. "The fathers spend the night at home, you need sleep.  She'll be here in the morning," she said.  I calmly told her,"But I bet every other family in here knew they were having a baby before this morning. She has separation anxiety and will cry if I leave." The nurse lightened up a little.  She said I could come back at seven in the morning instead of ten.
 Leaving that night was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Dinner for One

What we have here is a delicious chunk of Vermont Brand Cheddar Cheese with a healthy dose of food coloring for a smooth orange-yellow hue. From what I've been told, the white variety is better, presumably, because coloring is bad.  On the left we have salty, aged pig meat called proscuitto because it originated in a European country.  It's like a thinly sliced Italian ham.  Along with bread and South American red wine, this makes a delicious intercontinental dinner for one.  Enjoy.